Vacations are tough!

Vacations can be very difficult times for the family of an addict.  There is more down time and many more opportunities to not trust or wonder what your child is doing when they're not at home.  This is just one more opportunity to let go and let God.  I have to let him make his own decisions; good or bad.  There are people in this goofy small town that are so far into the drug world that they don't want someone who has been addicted to walk away from it.  Dan has 26 more days until he leaves for school.  I am praying that he makes wise decisions and can have a fresh start at a new college.  I have to trust and sometimes that's harder than others.  I am learning to walk through each day slowly and patiently.

Who are you hanging with?

I continue to realize that I have no control over the people that my son hangs out with.  He has to determine his own direction in life.  Even people that aren't using can still be a bad influence on his attitude and his perspective.  I can become obsessed with what he's doing but I have to let go of him and let him make his own way.

 I got a splint put in my mouth for my TMJ.  I will wear it for at least 6 months and then move into braces.  Never thought that I would end up in braces.

While I'm Waiting

I was on my way to school this morning when the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller came.  The lyrics really hit me.
                            

There are two things that I need to do as I journey through this time of my life.  I need to worship and serve.  I trust that God is at work even when I don't understand.  There are times of pain and times of confusion and frustration.  If I focus on my circumstances, I will despair.  I will continue to wait.  The story of my life is not finished yet and I have no control over the lives of others.  I must wait.

While I'm Waiting

 By:  John Waller
 
 I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord 

Who's in control?

I had always heard that men were fixers and that women were nurturers.  I couldn't have been more wrong about myself.  When addiction struck our home I went into full fixer mode.  I wanted everything better and taken care of.  Of course if our son went into rehab everything would be taken care of and we could get over this evil beast.  I began to ride the emotional roller coaster and found myself emotionally wrung out.  I have learned over the last year and a half that I have no control over anyone or anything.  The only thing that I can control is myself and my own reactions to the life that I have been given.

I am not alone!

The first emotion that I felt when our world began to change was intense loneliness.  My initial response was to think that I was all alone.  That was and still is a lie.  We are never alone in our struggles.  We have a God that promises to never leave us or forsake us.  If truth be told, every one of us have struggles and addictions in our lives that want to drag us down into the depths.  We have a choice to make.  Will we allow our weaknesses and struggles to dictate who we are?  Are we going to allow the decisions that others make or do not make to define us?  Are we going to permit fear, worry and anxiety to control us?  I don't know about you, but I want to fully be all that God created me to be.  God, in His sovereignty has allowed our family to be a part of something that we never imagined.  We have had to lay our hopes and dreams for the future down at His feet.  I am extremely proud of our son for taking the initiative to stop his addictive behavior.  My journey is to make sure that my addictions of fear, worry and control don't get in the way of my growth.  The story of our family is still being written.  I will wake up each morning trusting that I will have the strength that I need for the day ahead, confident that I am never alone.

The Beginning

Dan had just come back from a missions trip to Honduras with his Dad.  He had had a great time and things seemed to be going in a great direction.  I will never forget the night that Dan talked to me and told me that he had a problem and he needed help.  When he told me that he was addicted to heroin I found myself in shock.  I kept my cool and talked to him and asked important questions like how long and how much does it cost and how do you do it?  I thought that heroin could only be injected.  I had no idea that heroin could even been snorted.  My learning curve went from 0  to a billion in a brief time.  I remember that I asked Dan if he would be willing to be tested and evaluated and he said he would.  He seemed broken and repented.  I had no idea what the next couple of weeks would be like.